are you doing alright? you've hardly touched your 150 unread emails

going from "just following up" to "per my last email"

are you procrastinating?

dear office swivel chair with excellent lumbar support: we love you

set status: appear away set status message: bRb pLaYiNg @xbox

i don't know who needs this but please stop saying "happy Friday eve"

this means you won the day

you: today is the day I don't mute myself for an entire meeting your dog: my time has come